Like a butterfly

I feel like I have been going through a process, much like that of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Or a silk worm turning into a moth. Which one will I be? I don't feel as danty & colorful as a butterfly, but just maybe as mysterious as a moth. They aren't brightly colored, but they aren't so "plain" that they aren't pretty either. They can be just as elegant, but maybe not as jaw dropping beautiful as a butterfly.

 And as this all may sound so corky... I can hardly wait until the me that is inside this "cacoon" emergies. I've never felt like "Myself" in my body, but as I've gone through this weight loss journey I see bits & pieces of her stairing back at me in the mirror. I really do feel that the excess fat I've been carrying around all these years is like a cacoon. I just keep peeling it back one layer at a time, one pound at a time.

Speaking of pounds, I did reach my goal that I set at the beginning of the week. I am now at 194 pounds. 10 pounds away from my "mini goal". 10 more pounds and I will no longer be obese by my Body Mass Index. While being 184 is a huge accomplishment for me it is still heavy in my mind that while I will be no longer considered obese by BMI I still maybe be obese by my body-fat percentage. The last time it was measured, by my personal trainer, I was at 36% body fat (that was about a month ago). I have to be below 30% to no longer be obese in any way, thats 6%, thats still a huge amount of fat! Thinking of that number is a little upseting, but at the same time it is hugely motivating. What was my body fat percentage 55 pounds ago?!?! It had to have been in the 40%'s!

On a positive note, I did buy a new sports bra today! Is it sad that a sports bra is all it takes to get me excited? Ha ha..

I Quit, But I'm Not Defeated!

I know that title sounds strange. I'm not quitting my weight loss... oh no no no.. definitely not. I only quit the juice fast. After day 2 I felt simply awful! No energy, starving, headaches, & "bathroom problems". I decided to listen to what my body was telling me. It didn't want me to go on with the juicing. Its simply not worth it. My program that I made for myself is working and I'm going to stick with it. Why fix something if its not broken, right? I guess I just got a little over zellous & wanted faster results. But I am losing weight at a healthy pace... I'm just going to have to learn some patience.

I weighed in this morning at 196 pounds. So I'm back to what I was before my small vaca to Erie for a week. Feels good to be back on track. I fell right back into my routine & it feels so good. I think for me a routine is key. It keeps me level headed & sane. Is it a little monotonous some times? Heck yes, but it works.

Yesterday I took a friend of mine to the gym with me. We were workout partners last fall-winter. It was nice to have someone to talk to & have someone just be there with me. We did 15 minutes on the Elliptical Trainer and then we went our separate ways for weight lifting for a bit. She did legs while I did arms. (I had just done legs over the weekend). And then she did a few arm moves with me that the Silver Fox showed me. They were really great for our triceps. And then we went back to the ellipticals for a 5-minute push, really jacked the levels up on the machines and then a 10-minute cool down. So all-in-all we got a great workout in.

I'm hoping that by the end of the week I can be at 194 lbs, that would mean that I've lost 55 pounds so far. Which I am excited either way, I haven't been this fit in years.... ok maybe never. I was never athletic when I was a kid/teenager. I always let my asthma tell me what I couldn't do. But now I feel like I can tell my body what it can do. Its all very mind over matter for me. Some days my head is definitely not in the gym & I don't want to work out at all. But then I think back to that picture of me at 249 pounds and I don't want to be that person any more. That girl was afraid to leave the house, afraid to let anyone see her weaknesses, flaws, how insecure & unhappy she was. I was so afraid that someone would stop me & make fun of me. Or have a little kid say, "Mommy, Look at the fat girl!". And I'm still afraid of some of that but I don't let it control me any more. I'm not that girl any more, I wont let my feelings of failure control who I am. I feel more alive now that I've felt ever! I know I'm not athletic, yet, but I feel like I can get to that point. There are so many things I want to do that I need a healthy body to do it. I want to go rock wall climbing, hiking, camping, etc..
- - Most of all I just want to be fit & healthy for my son. See him grow up & not worry if I'm going to die young from heart disease.

Now its time to go before I get all sappy & sentamental.
As always, Thanks for reading.

Day #2: Coming To A Close

As day two comes to a close I'm thinking why in the world I wanted to do this program. Its crazy and hard. I do great in the mornings, stomach full of hot water and juice. Lunch time comes & goes without a hitch. But then dinner time comes & I'm suddenly ravenous. Not even dinner time really, at about 3:30pm today I was simply starving. So as I type this update I'm drinking my dinner juice. It has 2 green apples, 2 asian pears, 2 carrots, a thumb sized piece of ginger root, 1/2 of a lemon, a lime and 2 wedges of purple cabbage. Its pretty good actually. I can't even taste the cabbage or carrots.  The only down side is that as I get to the bottom of the glass I suck up some nasty lemon/lime pulp.

And now my husband is making him & the little one dinner... HAM!!!! I love ham! I may have to leave the room. LOL.

On another note, having nothing to do with food & hunger. I weighed in yesterday @199 pounds after having been on vacation for a week. And when I weighed in this morning I weighed 195.  Its got to be mostly water weight right??!?! I know you can lose a bit of weight while detoxing but thats just a little crazy & hard to believe that I'll actually keep that off. We shall see what the scale says tomorrow morning.

I have to keep reminding myself that I only have 5 days left. But when I think of 5 whole days part of me wants to scream. 5 more days of no solid food. Damn I must be crazy...

Day 1: Ups & Downs

Today was day 1 of my juice fast. Hit the ground running this morning (metaphorically). The juices for breakfast & lunch were amazing! Wasn't hungry all day. Felt pretty good even with the detoxing going on in my system. Drank my juice this morning, did a thirty minute workout on the elliptical trainer and then came home for my juice for lunch.
BUT when dinner time hit I was starving! I made vegetable pizza for Korry & Haden and I made a juice for myself. It was AWFUL!!! Tasted like really oniony celery, thats all I could taste. I actually felt like throwing up for a while after only drinking a few sips. Korry finally tried it & understood why. We both decided it was not edible. So I made a different juice, it wasn't too bad, but I would have rather had the pizza.

I think I was REALLY over zealous in thinking I could do 30 days of this program. I barely made it through the first day! I consider myself a strong person in a few ways & I'm driven to lose the weight, but this may defeat me. I've done fasts before for 4 days with just water, but I think it doesn't help that I now have to cook & look at food all day.

I'm planning on only doing 7 days now. For the following reasons:

1. The program is super expensive, I spent around $120 just in produce for the week (for just myself- have to buy food for 2 other people on top of that)
2. The juicer was expensive - $143 (it may go back after the 7 days are over.. tehehe)
3. The dinner juices are disgusting!!! -Never juice celery... YUCK! 
4. Detoxing in this way just does not seem worth the stomach cramps & trips to the bathroom.
5. And again I repeat... TOO F-ING EXPENSIVE!  

So as of right now I'm still hungry and I have a headache. But tomorrow is another day, all of this is to be expected. 6 more days to go.

You don't think I'm a quitter do you? I feel like one for not doing the 30 days...

Reboot

I am starting a new program. It all started with an Australian man who wanted to cure himself of an auto immune disease, live a healthy life & lose weight. He did just that. You can see more by watching his documentary called "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead" (its available on instant netflix). The whole program is on Join The Reboot. It is a juice fast, for the next 30 days I will be drinking whole fruits/vegetables and plenty of water. No solid foods. There are programs though that have you eating fruits & veggies along with the juices.

My New Toy!

Had The Best Reviews

 I did a lot of grocery shopping today in preparation. Tomorrow is Day #1, I was originally going to start on Saturday, but I figured why not start tomorrow. I washed & dried the juicer, and of course I had to test it out. I juiced a granny smith apple. It was the most delicious apple juice I have ever tasted! Next to no waste in the pulp basket. And the juice was actually green like the apple... unlike the processed stuff you get at the store. Can hardly wait!

Tomorrow is probably going to be rough with detoxing. What this program does is boost your micro-nutrient intake. It has been known to lower blood pressure, cholesterol levels, & triglyceride levels.  They say the first two days are the worst. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is some of the vegetable juices.

Wish me luck! I'll be posting on how I'm doing & how the juice fast is affecting my body.

Apology

It was recently brought to my attention that in some past posts that I may have sounded like a "Know-it all" or that I'm in denial that I've always had a weight problem. I apologize to my readers if I have been this way at all. And I have always had a weight problem my entire life. I've done fad diets in the past, I've drank Slim Fast in the past.. all very unhealthy. I'm only human, and if I have a moment in my blog where I sound arrogant I really am sorry for that.

My mission here is simple:

• Lose Weight To Be A Happy & Healthy Mom
• Track My Progress/Mindset Changes Via My Blog
• Inspire Others

This journey is not for everyone. Nor is it easy. I know I may say its all about calories in calories out, but that is because it really is. Its just fact. Any trainer/health care professional will tell you that. It takes a lot of effort. Sometimes I miscalculate my calories & don't lose the expected weight, it happens. The human body doesn't always do what it should & has a temper of its own. But I have NEVER said that I'm an expert on this topic, but I do try to read as much as possible and share facts/opinions.

I have definitely had my ups & downs with my weight loss. And it is hard to stay optimistic, especially when I hear things from readers like I was told recently. It is upsetting to me that someone thought I was being that way. I only wish to inspire others to lose weight & live a healthy life style. I said to my husband that I may close my blog because of this. But he told me that I should do it, that I need to do it. To write this blog for myself. Hes always so supportive & I love him for it even more.

Again, this is an apology to my readers that I may have upset with past posts. I only mean to inspire & share information that I feel is accurate in helping with weight loss.

As always, Thank You for reading.

Calories in ---> Calories Out = A Happy Gal

So I missed my workout yesterday. But I must be doing something right. I've lost 3 pounds this week. Which is awesome. Some people shoot for 5 - 6 pounds, while I am happy with maintaining 3 lost almost every week. I am currently right on my "Goal Line" to be 160 pounds by the end of December. Will I maintain this rate of weight loss? Probably not, but I can try.

To me weight loss is definitely calories in & calories out. If I eat too many calories I don't burn the pounds away. Sometimes I really hate tracking my calories, even just a rough count, but if I don't I know I wont make my goals.

That is all for now readers, Haden is having a temper tantrum.... all in a days work for a mommy I guess. :-)

Current weight: 196 lbs